Everywhere you go you see something about a blog on the internet. So I figured I'd try to create one and actual stick to it. I have been My Spacing and I just don't like the idea of people I have known through out the years to get a sense of what really goes through my mind all day. So here I am just emptying my thoughts into this blank box on a computer screen.
So to start off with I'll just let you know whats going on right now in my life. I broke up with my boyfriend Monday night after a long day of argueing and fighting and getting knocked around and emotionally abused. He usually maintains his anger but, a blast from the past is expected when I push him too far. ( I will tell you more about our past together later). But for the past few days I have been occupying my time with freidns I haven't talk to in awhile, surfing the internet, making amends with my family, and cleaning. I'm trying to focus on myself for a change instead of my narcissistic boyfriend...EX BOYFRIEND!
I am hoping to go to college at Ivytech I have been enrolled for over a year but have failed to go due to other things going on in my life. Problems with my grant, then being kicked out, then catching a case and being placed on probation. All during the time the my one love is in prison. He was locked up November 06.
Well back to what I am trying to accomplish now, College, Job, Crib, Ride. Sounds easy way harder than it sounds..
Okay That was going to be a boring subject to ramble on about... but just so you get an idea of who I am since this is my first entry. I am in love with this boyfriend of mine. He doesnt deserve a name this is my space he will be known as my Narcissist. If that how you even spell it.. He is a great person but a kinieving asshole that gets inside my mind and twists and turns my thoughts making me think im always wrong and that I am a completge idiot and that he is soo much better than I and that I actually NEEEED him to continue on in my life. Yeah right fat chance.
This medecine I have been prescibed makes me feel calm and collected... and can concentrate on things unlike I used to maybe this is the answer to my problems who knows. We will see. I have no idea whats wrong with me honestly and I dont really car I just know that I am not right. I get uncontrollable impuleses. And sometimes fear I am way to paranoid about things. But you really shouldnt just trust everybody you meet up with should you.
For the record I have been diagnosed with bipolar, one of three different diagnoses. I have also been diagnosed with depression with lots of anxiety, and another time manic depressive. Now I'm just Bipolar. Who knows whats wrong with me. I know I am obsessed with my thoughts constantly thinking about the what ifs and the things I don't know is going on.
So to start off with I'll just let you know whats going on right now in my life. I broke up with my boyfriend Monday night after a long day of argueing and fighting and getting knocked around and emotionally abused. He usually maintains his anger but, a blast from the past is expected when I push him too far. ( I will tell you more about our past together later). But for the past few days I have been occupying my time with freidns I haven't talk to in awhile, surfing the internet, making amends with my family, and cleaning. I'm trying to focus on myself for a change instead of my narcissistic boyfriend...EX BOYFRIEND!
I am hoping to go to college at Ivytech I have been enrolled for over a year but have failed to go due to other things going on in my life. Problems with my grant, then being kicked out, then catching a case and being placed on probation. All during the time the my one love is in prison. He was locked up November 06.
Well, Maybe I should just give you the lowdown on him... I met him in late April 06. He was perfect. Went to work everyday knew how to party but kept his shit together. Bills payed, money saved, goals in mind, and the same interests as me. Perfect. Literally the ideal dream bhoyfriend. Well approximately a month after we were together we signed a lease to a small double on the east side in the middle of crackville... WE DONT DOO we just needed a place that was affordable and quick. Well that night on a 1/5 of gooD ol' erk n jerk (for those of you that dont know thats E & J) He put me in a head lock... Then over the period of the next 6 mos i endured being beaten up daily, weekly, whatever and emotionally abused... his alchoholilsm ended in being arrested nov 5th or so in 2006. We were broke up at the time and I wrote him knowing he was with his ex and I had to win and I did.., That was probably a big mistake in my life..,. Im still waiting to find out.
Well back to what I am trying to accomplish now, College, Job, Crib, Ride. Sounds easy way harder than it sounds..
Okay That was going to be a boring subject to ramble on about... but just so you get an idea of who I am since this is my first entry. I am in love with this boyfriend of mine. He doesnt deserve a name this is my space he will be known as my Narcissist. If that how you even spell it.. He is a great person but a kinieving asshole that gets inside my mind and twists and turns my thoughts making me think im always wrong and that I am a completge idiot and that he is soo much better than I and that I actually NEEEED him to continue on in my life. Yeah right fat chance.
This medecine I have been prescibed makes me feel calm and collected... and can concentrate on things unlike I used to maybe this is the answer to my problems who knows. We will see. I have no idea whats wrong with me honestly and I dont really car I just know that I am not right. I get uncontrollable impuleses. And sometimes fear I am way to paranoid about things. But you really shouldnt just trust everybody you meet up with should you.
No comments:
Post a Comment